The Holidays - Good Riddence!

I have always been a lover of the Holidays.......that is until the last few years!

To me the Holidays are a time for Family and Friends and Charity and Togetherness, and these past few years it has lost all the magic for me! I assume it has all gone downhill since my Mamaw died! Once we moved here the only real Family time we all had revolved around the Holidays. And since I am all about family, I looked forward to these together times! Since Mamaw passed, what little bit of family we had, was torn into two. Now our Holiday celebrations seem to be just a passing. We do see each other, but it's not the same! Nothing has ever been the same!

In Oregon, once Bub and I bought our house we made the Holidays what they were! We did Thanksgiving and Christmas every year and we brought our families together (I think). It was an all day thing. Lots of food and togetherness. We talked and played games and just spent the day enjoying each other! I miss this! I miss this SO much!

Every year starting in October I look forward to Christmas coming. But the past few year the anticipation soon disappears as it gets closer. I guess part of what makes Christmas has been missing! Last year to start a new tradition Bub and I took Regan and we went to St Joseph's Diner, which is like a soup kitchen. We went Christmas morning and served a Christmas Lunch to families who normally do without. It was a great experience. We all enjoyed our time there and planned to make it a yearly tradition! Later that afternoon we went to see a family movie!

This year we intended to do the same thing. Only this year between how I had been feeling and the fact that Regan kept Bub up all night, we were unable to make it! I was very disappointed! But we tried! I would say there is always next year, but unless we have family in town for Christmas, we won't be able to do this for another 4 or so years! But when we can, we will start again!

Anyways! Our Holiday was good though, because we were together! We didn't expect to have Bub home, so I was very grateful it had worked out in our favor! The holidays are definitely not the same without Daddy!!

So below is a few pictures of our Christmas.........

Christmas Eve at the Pellerin's

Christmas Morning

I am truly grateful for so many things this year! We have been so very blessed! I hate that I have such a sour feeling about the Holidays, but maybe next year things will change! At least I have a whole year before we have to do it all over again! LOL

Thanks!!

People can be so uplifting even when they don't realize!!

I wish people knew how amazing there are. Even when they don't realize it!!

I have had a lot on my mind recently. Lots of stress and fear of the unknown. And too, we are still dealing with this rent house and it needs more repairs before we can get it inspected and sold. More stress, more money out the door..........I don't know how much more I can take!

Anyways, I have been in a worried little funk and encouraging words of these ladies have been a great source of encouragement. And it really came when I was feeling like I was in a hole and a little alone.

I have been so emotionally and physically drained and with a long to do list and a husband who has just returned out to work.......I needed something! :o) So thank you! Thank you for your kind words and encouragement and your prayers! And thank you for giving that to me, even though I am certain you (nor I) realized it is what I needed.

Not Much to Report

Hmmmm, I truly have nothing today to write about! Sucks! Been feeling crappy lately, got a lot of stuff on my plate and have been feeling pretty overwhelmed about some stuff! Sigh!

The holidays seem to be way more hectic this year than in previous years! I can only assume it's because Regan is now is school, she started doing tumbling and Girl Scouts this year so that has added to extra "stuff" to do and places to be.

My house hasn't been "my kinda clean" since my little party here a few weeks ago! And it is driving me insane!

Looks like Bub will be leaving late tonight to head back to work. I was worried this would happen. Since it's so close to Christmas, he probably would go out and be gone for Christmas. They are saying they will shut down the Wednesday before......I really hope they mean it! We have something special to celebrate this Christmas and I want him with us! And also, going to the Diner won't be as fun or as productive if he is gone!

Here's hoping ALL of our Christmas wishes come true! :o)

Disclosure!!

I think I may need to start putting disclosures on my entries.

Please keep in mind that this blog's purpose is for me to express feelings, frustrations, emotions, talk about my family and things that happen to me. It is my own personal diary that I share with those who care to read it!

RARELY is anything ever intended to be malicious or to hurt people!

I have strong opinions and feel very passionately about a lot of things!

This is what I use my blog for! To get these thoughts and feelings out.

I don't shove them down anyone's throat, as they are here for others to read IF they choose to!

This blog has actually been a great resource for me. Starting with the death of my Mamaw a few years ago. Being able to write my feelings and experiences down helped SO much. It was probably the best coping tool for me. More recently it helped me to make peace with a few things that had been bothering me.

I swear getting things down into words really helps me cope and/or "get the demons out".

As with the title of my blog I'm "Just Being Me". So if ever you feel offended by my writings, just take it with a bit of humor and a grain of salt! It's half for my release and the other half for a little comical asshole idiocracy!

Adopt a Family

Every year my playgroup does 2 or three charity events or fundraisers. The most recent was the one for Animal Aid. Usually this time of year we do a food drive or collect items for Faith House......

This year we have decided to adopt 3 families in our community!

I will say at first I was very put off. The first Charity we got families from was Faith House. And while the people who are in a situation to use Faith House's resources are very in need......you would never know it by the wish lists! First, it is all anonymous, which is understandable, don't get me wrong! I understand the need of privacy and protection of these individuals. But my thinking is that the anonymity gives these individuals an excuse to request very extravagant NON necessities!! For instance GPS Navigators, digital cameras, Wii Games, Sheer Bed Canopies and gift certificates to Victoria Secrets and Bed Bath & Beyond.........

Now you must understand my sheer shock when reading these wants! I mean, we are trying to help people in our community that need a hand up......not buy them things they do not NEED! Our intention is to help ease the burden on these families who barely make it throughout the year, and coupled with cold weather and Christmas they struggle that much more!

Needless to say, these people will not get a thing from me! Their selfish requests and attempts to "get everything they can while it's free" do not make me feel charitable towards them and their families!!

Then there is one of the families we were sent from Catholic Services, they are the epitome of what we were looking for in a family! Single mom, with three growing boys! When I received their wish list I was so happy it wasn't filled with crazy expensive items! She listed one toy for each of her children and clothing sizes! She said that anything we could give would be of great help, but that they really needed clothes!

This family really touched my heart and I am determined, with the help of my friends give this family the best Christmas ever!!

My encounter with this mom was really great! She was holding back tears as I asked her what they needed. I found that they usually don't have a tree and when she can she gets the boys each a single toy from the Dollar Store!

We have been financially in all different places in different stages in our life. And especially after moving here from Oregon, pregnant and starting over.....the first time I wasn't sure how we'd buy the next can of formula......I can relate with the emotion of not being able to provide for your child! It is a horrible feeling!

I hope that we can turn this year into a memorable one for this family. That she will not have to worry about how she will get her boys coats for the winter or clothing for the year!

I am not certain how Catholic Family Services finds their families.......but I am glad we got a deserving family. One that appreciates the help and will allow other to help ease their burden this time of year!

Our first surprise for them will be a huge tree with decorations.........I think she will be pleased!

Number Two

When Regan was about 1, everyone - including people I didn't even know would ask "so when are you having your next one?". This got old very quickly! lol

I honestly wasn't even ready to "entertain" the thought of having another child until a little after Regan turned 4. Soon after she turned 5 I decided that I was close to deciding on a time to try for #2. Regan is now almost 5 1/2 and I am still a little undecided! This is partially because I would be going through a lot of the pregnancy issues and such alone with a 5 year old. It's scary to think of having another when your husband is only home part of the month. Additionally, there is no guarantee that having a 2nd child is in the cards for us, so I am a little worried that I will decide yes and it will never come to light!! I think deciding yes and then having to fail is far worse than never saying yes.......not sure if that makes sense!

Anyways, ever since Regan started school, I don't know what the deal is but everyone I encounter says to Regan, " ooh, time for momma to make you a baby brother of sister!". I mean, even people I don't know! Like the lady at the Chinese restaurant we frequent. And I mean EVERY time we go she says it!

C'mon, no pressure there! Let's tell the 5 year old that she needs to tell her momma and daddy to get started on the baby brother or sister! lol It really is funny when you think about it, but it's been about 3 months now and I want everyone to get off my back! Hehee!

While I sometimes feel that I am waiting to long, I also have not been ready! And when I start to feel badly I remind myself of how nice things are right now. And how privileged Regan is! I mean, she has my undivided attention! I go to her school every Monday for about 4 hours and help her teacher. I attend all of her field trips and school parties and activities. I also am able to take her to dance and tumbling and whatever other activity she wants to be in. In addition to being her Troop Leader and room mom and the playgroup's organizer!

So for now, even though the pressures of other people get in my head, I am reminding myself daily that the things that I am able to do for and with Regan would not be possible right now if there was a little one here! So maybe for the moment this is what is right for us. For our family. And what Regan needs!! She will have the rest of her life to share us with a brother or sister! This year and this time in her life is hers........And this makes me happy! :o)

Little People Doing Big Things!

I just had to gush a little!!

As many of you know I am the Girl Scout Troop Leader for Regan's troop. This was not intentional, even given the "organizing" role I play in many of the other aspects in my life. I really swore I wouldn't, but when they said there would be no troop without a leader I said, what the hell.....I can handle one more hat! lol

Anyways, I am finding the bonus to being the Troop Leader is that I am able to 1, set the schedule to suit our hectic life! Thankfully this has happened to also work for all the other parents - so it's definitely and win/win all around! Secondly, I am able to continue my whole charity/fundraising passion within the troop. Thus, fulfilling the purpose of Girl Scouts and helping our community!! :o) I LOVE it!!

So, for our first fun patch I decided the girls could do a canned food drive! We read a book to them about a Food Drive, then explained what they needed to do! I asked each parent to have their child request canned goods from family or friends or walk up and down and ask neighbors.

Well, I of course had no idea how this would turn out - but was happily surprised at the amount donated!

Our 10 little ladies donated a total of 210 pounds of food! It really is a lot!! I was so happy and proud of my girls!!

Regan did really well, as seen by the pictures below.





Here are my girls, well 4 of them couldn't attend the donation, but sent their goods!

Their food is in the basket behind them!!

This picture is them holding their earned patch!!

And after, we took a trip to Kart Ranch to celebrate, have some fun and eat some pizza!!!



I am so very proud of my girls!!

Next month we will be packaging up care packages for the 4 soldiers we adopted!!! Stay tuned!!